I don’t I fit in is a question an increasing number of us are asking. This feeling of disconnection is getting stronger because of the changes in our social settings happening especially in America. If you feel it is harder to make emotional contact with others, you are not just imagining it. Ways available for interaction with others, and even finding our own kind within these ways are getting farther apart. First, not everyone takes that readily to interaction in this tinsel social world through their cell phones, tablets, and computers. Second, the social attitudes of others are not of openness and sincerity anymore as it was decades ago.
Cynicism and mistrust are the default views of society, promoted by any entertainment medium you wish to observe. Everyone wears black in one if not all garments they wear, buildings are painted flat black and dull grey instead of pastel colors showing warmth. Vehicle windows are tinted beyond visibility looking in. Fast food restaurant interactions are done through kiosks instead of face-to-face meetings at counters for ordering. Places of service follow suit with the same distancing and non personal interaction. What is surprising to me is the public is accepting this as normal and healthy, they are buying it!
If you are a reptile and a low level character person, then all of this is fine, and you have no emotional trauma because of it. If you are not okay with it, then you are obviously a high character person, and all of this is very disturbing to you. Above we described the general setting of how someone just coming into our society from an outside world would experience it. But you may have lived in our society a long time, chances are born here. As such you would have adjusted to these murky waters by changing your ways of interaction to correct this. Since those social adjustments have been unsuccessful, there is something else going on, and that is what we will talk about in depth here.
In the human species there are two distinctly different and, in many ways, totally opposite breeds of cat. In the most popular form, there are the lower character, more socially adaptable ones who live life in the present, always wanting to have a good time with consumptive partying. Their soul’s existence and purposes are easily satisfied with a good time and nothing more is required for them to feel complete. That is most people. They never question why they don’t fit in because they have many settings just like them to find a place in which to fit. So, what is it about us who do have this question about ourselves of why we do not fit in?
I call it, ‘The burden of exceptionalism’, or ‘The burden of the gifted’. Average people have no such burden because they cannot perceive they are average. It is only the gifted and the exceptional that can perceive they are different. Moreover, this sense they have of their difference is always perceived in a negative way as being an outcast, not fitting in, and in many cases not being good enough to be accepted. There is also an additional internal burden which causes them distress adding to their already heavy emotional burden. Everyone I have ever known feels this has possessed some kind of deep potential talent that needs to be manifested. This gift is not in the average person spoken of above. Moreover, since it is a gift or talent yet realized, it carries an emotional burden of emptiness until realized, perfected, enjoyed and expressed.
First, they feel they do not fit in, and next, they do not fit in because they have a talent and gift deep within themselves needing development and expressed somewhere to the proper audience. They see their difference not as a valuable gift, but as a fault. People with undeveloped potential feel empty until their gift is discovered within and expressed without. Their gifts burden them with an emptiness until recognized and immersed. Those are separate frontiers and perceived as burdens, all three of which must be crossed. In the case of many their gift is of nurturing alone in some form. In the case of women, they thrive in the world of a man in marriage where they can care for the man and children and others in their man’s world. People who have a gift to nurture strongly need to nurture and mother others. This includes many men also.
Women are not the weaker gender as the Bible in the religion of Christianity accuses. Women thrive in a man’s world in his household, and men thrive in building a household independent of other men. It is that simple. There is no lesser strength or character on the part of women as Christianity accuses of the female gender. Proof of that was during World War Two, America’s greatest industrial output, and in all of history, was achieved not by men in the factories at that time but by mostly women. At peak they produced a battleship a day and a thousand tanks and planes. The Rosie the Riveter stereotype and icon from the forties and early fifties is correct. So, if you are female, you are not the weaker sex just because most of you are more comfortable contributing to Humankind in a husband’s household. Most of you do not need a man to make you feel complete, and when you do, it is by choice, not by need.
This path to fitting in and finding our place in the sun begins by looking back at the question of why I don’t fit in. Finding why means finding what about you is different. I guarantee it is not because something about you is inferior and lacking, it is from something being separated within you. You are gifted and blessed with a great spiritual potential of which you are not yet aware. Your gift, talent, interest, passion, or ability is yet unknown. Many times, in our past, we had to give up on chasing our dreams, developing an interest we have because of life’s negative interruptions. These interruptions can be from negative parenting discouraging us from following our dreams and pursuing our interests. Sometimes in our loneliness we may discontinue our hobbies, putting them on the back burner, replacing it with seeking friendship in general as in our youth when peer social need is at its highest. The point is, you were distracted from developing part of yourself that for you to be complete, must be again found and developed. Once you find you, then finding where you fit in once you have found the missing part of you is easy.
We are in essence a ship sailing on the sea, out of sight of land, and we are looking at the sea instead of our map and compass within, for direction. When you were born or built if we think of ourselves as a ship, we were not just built as a vessel to sail the seas of life. There is far more to us as a ship than that. We came equipped with a map, compass and a path to sail already laid out for us, within us. Every part of our ocean voyage is already laid out for us. Our ocean voyage is so completely planned that it even includes mistakes, omissions of things, and failures to make us even more complete as we overcome these failures and wrong turns on our journey.
In the case of our stressful problem of why I do not fit in, it is to show you the reason why you do not fit it. This is of course to connect you to what will make you fit in and be welcomed where you do fit in. Does that make sense? Getting back to the ‘we are a ship’ example, the reason you do not fit in is because you forgot what you are carrying in your cargo hold. Every ship carries cargo of some kind. If you think you are empty, you cannot fit in anywhere very completely because you carry no valuable cargo. No sense of your cargo, no destination to carry your cargo to, no sense of value of you as a ship, and you wander. Find the deepest part of yourself, which will be something valuable, spiritual, profound, and very beautiful to you, and you have found your cargo. This cargo is a passion, talent, gift, ability, interest, or cause that will energize you as it did when you were a child.
When you look within, you will find your cargo. The first of these burdens of emptiness will be eliminated. You will become more complete as you once again embrace that which you wondered about, enjoyed, and for which you have a passion. The first obstacle of seeing yourself as a flawed outcast person will be removed. You will see yourself as a person with a gift, not a fault. Uniqueness is a blessing, and you will feel so. You will become enthusiastic about being you. Once your proper sense of yourself as a person is restored, then you can see why and where you do not fit in, and more importantly you can find a setting in which you will fit. We cannot find our own until we can find out who we are. Life is not about changing ourselves to become accepted, it is about expressing our authentic self and attracting those who like us for who we are. Your own kind are looking for you as much as you are looking for you. When you find you, then they can find you also.
Just for the record, this is an emotional and spiritual encouragement ministry. We are selling nothing here and are not at the present time even set up to take donations, and probably never will. Your healed life are our reward enough, and we are very pleased with that. If you want to, please share your strength with others in your future so our nurturing can live on.