I need help finding myself. Generally, this need is in someone who has had their world made into an overall threatening, traumatic environment over the long term, without any source of nurturement and love. Our natural healthy emotional response is to become entirely focused on our environment, filled with hostile threats and whose sole purpose is to survive. While this works effectively in the short term, it can have horrific spiritual effects in the long term, causing great emotional and spiritual damage. When one is in a dry barren desert setting, one would soon become preoccupied with finding water. Likewise, one would soon learn the most important thing in an emotionally barren and spiritually hostile world is to find sources of nurturement and avoid sources of shaming, humiliating treatment.
Surviving a hostile, threatening childhood, and not finding love and nurturement that is much needed and infinitely scarce will soon turn one’s energies outward in an all out effort geared on emotional survival above all else. When this happens, our natural selfish focus on our internal dreams, talents, gifts, and passions are all put on hold. When we must ignore our inner self, our identity, and what our dreams and desires are for our life path, and concentrate on our emotional survival, we can acquire a sense of unimportance and non-existence about what and who we are, just to survive. Over time we can incorrectly lose our sense of self altogether.
While focusing outward to avoid emotionally traumatic threats works in the short term, it is spiritually and emotionally catastrophic in the long term, as mentioned before. Two things then happen, first; we can learn incorrectly that we are not a person, and nothing that is within us is of any value, nor is relevant in the building in our outer world in which we are to live. Second, our focus on hostile threats and emotionally damaging settings which we need to avoid, then become models which we are attracted to, and replicate in our future. Often, we by our nature are drawn to these poisoning settings and people because that is all we think exist, and that is all we deserve.
There are also higher order spiritual powers within us that come into play as well. I call it the ‘prayer principle’ because what we think, and feel is what we attract into our future. Our spiritual mind brings to us what we believe, and very often comes into our future. Put simply, ‘if we mistrust life, others, and future, we will attract predatory others and settings to us with which to live with and interact. Spiritually our long-term response to our threat then becomes a calling card and will promote and attract our future threats, much like blood in the ocean attracts sharks to us.
The presence of trust and faith will reverse this by repelling hostile personalities and attract nurturing persons and settings to us as we use trust and faith. Mistrusting our present world only promotes it and repels newer healthy settings from forming around us. For us to look at life through the eyes of trust and faith we need a setting that is trustworthy and faithful for us. What we did not have in our childhood, we can imagine as adults and reap the healing effects spiritually to heal our lives in the present. Imagination is a very solid and healing mechanism. In this case, imagination has a role and can redirect and create our future.
Focus on a loving mother scenario, even if none existed in your childhood. What you imagine will attract those kinds of people to you, beyond your horizon. That is how the ‘prayer principle’ works. It does not have anything to do with any particular religion, because it is spiritual, and is in every person’s spiritual capacity.
What you will notice when you practice the loving mother scenario and imagine a loving caregiver personality interacting with you, is that when she focuses on you, that causes you to focus on your inner self, in excitement sharing with her what is deep within you. First you will feel naturally the right to ask her for things you want to have and do. Her attention on you will cause you to focus on what is within you and turn your attention inward on yourself. This process and repeated interaction will over time bring an image and sense of what and who you are to the forefront of your life. The all out focus on the external threat and barren environment outside will gradually shift to a balanced focus in both what is on the outside and what creative, guiding energies are within guiding your life.
When you imagine an outside being loving you and making you feel important as a unique beloved being, you will learn a sense of personhood. When you feel your sense that you are an important part of life with a role to play in life then you will find all kinds of characteristics of who you are. Over time you will come home to yourself. Simultaneously as your image of who you are as a person becomes clear, so too will opportunities in your environment come forward in the areas of employment, relationships, and assets you will need. They will all come from the nurturing people that will be attracted to you. The more you become aware of who you are as an individual, the more others who are like you will be attracted to you.
Moreover, the more you learn to feel who you are, the more clearly you will see others like you in your world that you could not previously see. Part of the negative isolation you are experiencing now is because if you do not know who you are, how can others be attracted to a non-person? All you will attract to you are others who do not know who they are, and those are mostly predatory sharks in hostile social settings and environments. Turn on the trust and faith in Life and God, and practice imagining the loving mother scenario until it feels natural, and you will learn you are someone unique, gifted, and lovable. Your outside world will respond to what you feel on the inside, over time and that is all the help you need in finding yourself!
Just for the record, this is an emotional and spiritual encouragement ministry. We are selling nothing here and are not at the present time even set up to take donations, and probably never will. Your healed life are our reward enough, and we are very pleased with that. If you want to, please share your strength with others in your future so our nurturing can live on.